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  • Anti Guru Ma

When your mind needs to get onto the treadmill....

We spend endless hours making sure our physical health looks amazing. We talk about it, we show it, we photoshop it. Mental health; how do we talk about it, how do we show it, how do we capture it in one photo? What is it? Inner peace? Eternal happiness? Constant laughter? So many questions and I'm sure for each of us a different answer. From time to time I will touch this topic for the below reasons.

Circa 5 years ago I suffered a derailment, fell of the tracks which led to land of work hard, play hard. By judgement of hindsight I'm sure the derailment was for the better. 5 years ago I was diagnosed with a mental health disorder. Several events led to this point, however for the outside world it was just one main event. Rather than dwell on these events, I'd like to share what happened after. You could call it my comeback story back except I didn't comeback. My story changed course. The career driven, independent, toughened up, egotistical 30 something year old girl changed, and for those around me I might now be a better version of me. These same people would probably say there is tremendous work still to be done the better version of me.

Most of you who are still reading would have consulted countless self-help books. My stories are about my journey to me, version 200.1 and counting. These stories are not intended to prescribe you a journey to a utopian you. Don't expect stories of inspiring travels, meditation in the Himalayas, yoga with Nag Babas, spiritual awakenings in Bali or any remedies like vag steaming and decluttering. I was unemployed for 4 months, then I had to work, there where no gap years or a book to summarise it all. Navigating through mental health issues are not always a phoenix rising from the ashes story. If you're an everyday Jean Gray, power to you. For some it's like a T-Rex took some Metamucil and the consequences landed on you, whilst your mouth was open.

Guru Ma: Guru is the teacher and Guru Ma is the female teacher. Anti Guru Ma is not the female teacher. My quest is not to become your Guru nor a Ma Sheela of any movement, even though there could be likeness in some instances. Anti Guru Man is the intention to not dispel the Guru's, the life coaches or Elizabeth Gilbert's of the world. If you have found any Guru like beings to follow, who resonate with you, keep their guidance. Even I have searched for a Guru. I went to Bali, I met a Ketut but my experience was not Eat, Pray, Love. As per Tony Robbins "I am not your Guru", that's my intentions. I'm not here to teach.

Despite society making great progress with mental health awareness, I like so many who have suffered or are suffering from a mental health illness, have felt ashamed of my illness. If there is any wisdom I can pass on is, talk talk talk, talk as much as you can about you mental health. Nothing to be ashamed of. One day it will save you. So when I do touch on the topic of mental health, read, chew and spit out. If something gets caught between your teeth, play with it before you decide to swallow or floss it out.

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